Google+ Bree Bronson's Babies: Why stay?

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Why stay?

Photo: leadership.uoregon.edu
I was commenting an another blog and mentioned this. An anonymous reader then started wondering why have any more kids with Husband since he was acting like a jerk with the first one. And why stay in the relationship in the first place?

Well. Ending a relationship has never been easy for me. I want to be sure before I act because when I do, there will be no going back. And now it's not all about me or Husband, the kids do love their dad and would suffer from an eventual divorce no matter how we would arrange our lives. So I really have to be sure. One of these days I may be.

Another thing is that I didn't win Husband in a lottery or pick him randomly. I did fall in love with him. We do have things in common. And we did want siblings to Son, both of us. And, although I don't mention them much in here, there are good things about Husband as well:

Sex

He likes it, I like it very much. Some guys lose their interest in sex at some point in the relationship, but with Husband I haven't had to call 911 about this. He's also good in bed if he wants to, unlike many other guys.

Whatever technical stuff

If it uses electricity, Husband is good at it. And likes to play with it as well. I'm not the one who sets up the home theatre system in our house and I'll never have to touch it.

Quirky girl is ok

I'm quite unlike many other girls. I'm not sweet and smiling and I'll definitely talk back to anyone who's being a jackass. Husband doesn't mind as long as I talk back to someone else. Most guys are afraid of me or think that I "have a problem".

I don't laugh alone

Our senses of humor go together quite well. I don't have to explain more.

See you

He will take me to Hongkong next week. I'm astonished because he has to pay for both of us as I don't have money. And I even got to pick the destination his time - which has never happened before.

When I think about our problems I come up with several possible issues that may bug Husband at the end of the day:

- He has been single too long. It's visible from miles away that he can only think of himself.

- He can't adapt to our life as a family. I had to give up everything for kids. I adapted somehow. Husband is complaining since he has so little time to ride his motorbike or sports car.

- I have changed and Husband doesn't like the new Bree. I sure have changed and so has he.

But I really don't know what I could do about that.

2 comments:

  1. I've been reading your blog for a while now; it was something you vommented either on Vuoden Mutsi or Project Mama that touched my heart.
    Having read your feelings, I must admit that I really have wondered long and hard how you can put up with the incredible amount of shit from your husband. I know from my own life experience that there areno easy answers, no quick solutions and remedies to everything, but I so wish therewas.
    I guess I just finally wanted to comment and let you know that someone hears you, and someone feels for you. I hope this helps, even a little bit.
    Oh, and also I wanted to ask if you've ever tried writing your husband a letter about your feelings? It sounds stupid and simple, I know, but with my ex (who was a real dickhead in so many ways) that sometimes helped a bit. I'm one of those people who is simply incapable of wording the innermost thoughts in a civilized manner in the middle of an argument, so instead I would sometimes simply write them all down when things got too heavy. A bit like what you're doing with this blog, but I forced the pässi to read them and to answer.


    I wish you all the sunshine imaginable in your life, and hope from the bottom of my heart that things ease out!

    -Sonja

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    Replies
    1. Hi Sonja! Thanks for reading and even bigger thanks for commenting! The comments I get in this blog - especially the ones like yours - really give me faith that I'm not alone, nor am I crazy. So it really is great to hear from you guys.

      I sometimes think too why I'm still around in this relationship. Recently mostly for the kids I guess - I've found myself thinking what I would do without them. I've also been thinking how I could arrange my life if we were to divorce. I wish it was an easy decision, just like you said. And I'm wondering too what my part is in all this - should I do something differently? And sometimes, when there are better days, I'm thinking that I'm just overreacting aand stressed out. But the more time goes by, the more convinced I am that we won't grow old together with Husband.

      Funny thing that you mentioned the letter-writing! Once when we had a fight Husband said that he actually prefers written feedback. So next time when we fought I sent him an SMS telling him what bugged me and that I thought he was acting like a selfish dick. He didn't reply. He did get really angry and offended at what I wrote. This happened maybe five years ago. He still refers to that SMS today when we fight telling me how he has written proof of that I think he's a selfish dick. I don't if I should try again or if I should call that a non-succesful test. :D

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If you say it, I'll hear you.