Google+ Bree Bronson's Babies: March 2013

Monday, March 25, 2013

At mom's and dad's

Photo: all-famous-quotes.com
When we renovated our house last year we ended up living at my parents' for three months before we could move in to our own house. Before moving there we had been living in Sister's (whom we kicked out to her boyfriend's place) flat for four months. The whole year was an interesting experience because we lived in four different places during the year. (Son still asks at home regularly "do we live here?".) The most interesting part was still to live at mom's and dad's.

Mother and Father invited us to stay with them at the very beginning of the renovation. They were really sweet and just wanted to help of course. We thought still we would save everyone's nerves by living at Sister's place although it was more expensive for us. Sister ended up selling the flat - our plan C was to move to my parent's. So we ended up moving there because we really had to. It had been over thirteen years ago for me. And this time I had two kids plus Husband with me.

I was slightly terrified at first. I consider myself as flexible but Mother had been irritating me for some time already. Husband has never been friends with Mother. I need my own space. Mother is a control freak. There were millions of things in the house that were dangerous or that the kids could break. And an old dog who had been ill and slightly cranky. And we really didn't have a choice. Hence I decided not to think about the worst case scenarios at all.

Quite soon after we moved I noticed how everyone took a certain role in the house. There was the family with parents and two kids. It consisted of me, the kids and Father who spent time with us as soon as he came home from work. There was the single guy (Husband) who was never around. And then there was the isolated old lady: Mother who spent all her time in her room sleeping or surfing with her computer. It went surprisingly well. It was actually, funnily though, the first time ever that I had a dad for the kids that participated all the time. Although the dad was mine. When I needed to escape I took a long run. (In case someone was wondering how I found motivation for marathon training.) The dog solved the issue by dying one week after we had moved in.

So what did I learn? We do adapt if we want to. It's a lot about motivation. Now though when looking back at the time at Mother's and Father's house - I don't know how I survived really. I don't want to do it ever again.

Do you have a similar experience? What was your survival method?

Thursday, March 21, 2013

All my relationships fail

...said Husband once when we had a fight. He referred to his ex-girlfriend who had left Husband and he didn't understand why. So he thought it's pointless to make an effort with me as well because our relationship would fail anyway. I've soon spent seven years with Husband and I think I know why his relationships have failed. I wish he would realize it himself as well - I've tried to give him a whole lot of hints. So, honey, here's my wishlist:

Work less

We (and your firm) would do just fine even if you would work a little less. It's not about money. You don't handle stress very well and become quite a handful when you're tired or stressed out. You bitch about everything to me and I have to be constantly on my tiptoes if I don't want to become your target. You yell at the kids and treat them badly. So your work is not all about you, it concerns all of us. Also, I can't prevent you from killing yourself with work but you can't expect me to do the same thing. Because when you're at work, I take care of everything at home.

Respect your woman

There are things you're not very good at. Some of these things are such that other people, including me, are better at them than you. Deal with it. You're good at many things but your skills aren't the only valuable ones. If you would value my skills higher and allow us to combine them with yours, we would make a hell of a team.

Give space to her

You want to do certain things undisturbed and that's great, they're in your territory. So be my guest. But I want to have my territory as well, I'm no different in that sense. So get the hell out when I'm decorating the house. And oh, cooking doesn't count. Because I fucking hate the everyday cooking project but I can't let the kids go around hungry either. So, hint: you're more than welcome in the kitchen.

Behave

You're a grown-up guy, start behaving like one. I know my food tastes ok so it would be polite if you'd try it one of these days. Also, there's no reason to scream fuck and hell if you lose the garage key. Go look for it instead. You would go nuts if I'd treat you like you sometimes treat me. I'm a member of no church but a certain Jesus guy put it quite well: treat other people like you want to be treated yourself. Think about it!

Work on your character

I know you're a Leo but it doesn't mean you're allowed to decide about everything and do everything your way. Learn to make compromises. Your lack of empathy pushes people away from you - you'll need to start realizing you're not the only one who's got a lot on your plate. Also, stop manipulating me, it's not working, I see through it. To put it bluntly: I just read an article about a woman who spent two years in a relationship with a violent man. She described the man's behavior. It stroke me that you behave exactly like the man in the article except that you only use mental violence, not physical. What should I think of this? At least I think that you need help but you refuse to realize it yourself.

Now the only remaining thing is to find someone to deliver this message to you. Because you haven't listened when I've told you. That's a pity.

Anyone else having thoughts along these lines?

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Are we there yet?

It looks like this when hell freezes over
I'll admit gladly here and now that March is my new hate month. It's not the stomach flu/food poisoning/whatever curse that put me down for the whole week last week. It's not the world's crankiest Husband who works day and night. It's not everybody having birthdays right now and me having no presents for them. It's the total absense of spring.

By this time of year there usually is a hint - no, obvious signs - of spring. The snow is melting, the temperature climbs up over 0 C and people start looking for their bikes and running shoes. Last year March was a joke - no spring. I almost fainted when I realized I had to run a half-marathon in one month: I hadn't been running for two months and there was snow up to my belly button everywhere. This year it's the same thing again: it's colder out there than in my freezer (it really has been almost - 20 C in the nights), the wind is freezing me to death and the only thing moving the snow is the snow ploughs. Because we got more snow yesterday evening. There's little else to do than emigrate. I'm considering that seriously.

The only difference to December is light, sunlight particularly. Thanks at least for that, master of weather. You dickhead.

Monday, March 11, 2013

The girl who eats rabbit food only

Photo: xinrongcanfly.blogspot.com
For a bit over 10 years ago I felt that the right thing for me to do was become a vegetarian. There were many reasons: I didn't like the way most meat is produced, I thought the animals weren't treated respectfully and to me it seemed that consuming meat takes too much resources from this planet. I felt that I'd been closing my eyes for these things and wanted to change that. I'm still vegetarian today - I eat eggs and some dairy products though. Cutting off all meat, poultry and fish was the easy choice for me: to be honest I'm too lazy to ask and do research all the time about what fish or meat would be responsible to eat. Finding organic and local food in the supermarket is relatively easy though so I try to do that. Keeping a balanced diet and finding something to eat in a restaurant is easier when I eat eggs and dairy products as well.

I've never had an urge to preach about my choices about eating and consuming. If asked I will explain, otherwise I'll keep it to myself mostly. Many times I've ended up eating only salad and bread at a party but that's ok for me. Being a vegetarian is something that comes up often though in everyday situations. And boy, does it cause the most peculiar reactions. I would never have thought beforehand how strong feelings my eating or non-eating can develop in others. The words "I'm a vegetarian" are heard so many different ways. Along these lines:

"I don't eat."

These people consider meat and potato the only things that will keep a person alive in the first place. Anything else is rabbit food and vegetarians simply torture themselves by refusing to eat. Typical question from a person in this group is "oh my, what do you live on?" and he will repeatedly offer a steak to the poor rabbit-food-eater by saying "you should try this, it's really good, you're missing out so much!". If forced to cook for a vegetarian there will be meat soup on the menu - one can always pick the meat bits aside. Age: typically 55+, also present in younger age groups.

"I'm a better person than you."

This group sees vegetarians as snobs who think their eating habits make them superior to others. If a vegeterian is confronted by one of these people a long, exhausting interrogation will follow where the aim is to find a fault in the vegetarian's "eating logic". If they succeed, it will not just make their day but the whole week. Usually heard from people in this group: "But how come you eat vegetables from all over the world but not domestic meat? The transportation pollutes so much. And why do eat eggs? And dairy products? You're exploiting the animals anyway." No matter what you say, it will be pointed out to you anyway that you're a fool.

"You're a disgusting savage who tortures animals."

For these people admitting that you're a vegetarian equals declaring war. They will be personally insulted by just the fact that the person next to them chooses to eat different to them. And since you already provoked them by being a vegetarian you will have to engage in an aggressive conversation although you don't necessarily give a rats ass about the person or how he eats. Typical questions from these people include "so you think I'm a rude caveman because I eat meat?!" followed by endless questions about whether the vegetarian would eat different meat or fish if it would be grown in a certain way. Civilized conversation or peaceful arguments are out of question with these people. If a vegetarian makes the mistake of cooking for any of these guys, the food will remain untouched and the guests will head to the nearest steakhouse.

"I'm saving the world."

These people will consider any vegetarian automatically as a goofy tree-hugging hippie who thinks the nature and animals - well the whole world - will be saved by his choices. These people are rather harmless to deal with as long the vegetarian plays his role well and doesn't mind being considered as a fool: "yes, I feel sorry for the animals and cry for every tree that is chopped down in the rainforests". If provoked for some reason, these guys can give the vegetarian hard time as well: "Do you really think it makes a difference that you don't eat meat? You're one of the bad guys anyway because you have a western lifestyle. You're not saving any animals by being a vegetarian, someone else will just eat your beef portion."

"I eat only veggies."

These guys are a delight to deal with. They make a genuine try to understand and don't eventually mind if they end up disagreeing. The differing eating habits will never be an issue. Some will ask friendly questions, others don't if you don't bring it up yourself. Some ask for cooking advice, some give good advice themselves. These people might say something like "my sister's a vegetarian too and she makes the most amazing falafel!" or "shit, I'd like to become one myself too but it's really hard!" or even "me too, but in my home town in India there's a restaurant where they serve meat as well". I just love all of you guys.

I'm sure that being gay, choosing not to have kids or any other slightly different quality will bring up similar attitudes. In Finland a sure bet is being a Swedish-speaking Finn. Indeed, I must write about that one of these days. But what else? What makes civilized people provoked unintentionally? Do you have an experience yourself?

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Are they twins?!?

Photo: scientificamerican.com
It's started already. The comments about my baby belly. Yes, I have one although I'm less than ten weeks pregnant. It just popped out about a week ago. I can still hide it if I avoid exhaling and eating but I definitely have one already. As this is my third pregnancy it's probably normal that the belly appeared sooner than the previous times. Now I'll just have to keep inhaling until I'm comfortable with telling about my pregnancy to everyone.

My belly has been a source of numerous jokes during my previous pregnancies. I understand that because I've looked totally silly. My belly has been a joke: it's been a huge, completely round ball that sits on my hips. If I've turned my back it can't be seen. I've looked so ridiculous that complete strangers have started commenting my belly to me on the street. Along the lines of this:

- "You definitely have a baby on the way!" (No shit, Sherlock.)

- "Are you expecting twins? No?! Are you sure?" (Ever heard of ultrasound?)

- "Your belly is absolutely HUGE!" (Yours isn't too small either, sir, but you're hardly pregnant.)

Once I get to know what the average bypasser thinks of my belly this time I'll let you know. But as I said, the comments started pouring in already during Daughter's birthday party. Best Friend knows I'm pregnant and she went immediately like "Whaat, it's showing already!". Two people who didn't know about my pregnancy guessed. My friend started chatting like "Sooo, you've moved recently, do you have any OTHER NEWS?" I didn't want to start lying and she promised to keep her mouth shut. My cousin, however, took the lead for the best comment:

"So you're like three-four months pregnant? Only two? Are you sure you're not expecting twins??!!??"

I'm pretty sure. And I think I'll have to start carrying an ultrasound picture with me to convince people about that.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Two

Congrats
I've been silent for a couple of days, sorry about that. I've got an explanation though: I've been arranging a birthday party for Daughter. She turned two. I like arranging parties and I've had a habit of throwing a big birthday party for my birthday as well, just for fun. Once the kids were born doing the arrangements is "slightly" different though.

When Son turned two Daughter was just a small baby. I tried to downscale all the preparations but still I ended up working non-stop for several days before the party. I naturally had the kids to take care of at the same time and Husband was of no help. Taking care of the kids was a 24-hour job so any party preparations were just too much. I somehow managed but was absolutely exhausted after the party. Soon after I collapsed.

After Son's second birthday party I went on party strike. I refused to be responsible for arranging any more birthdays, christmas parties or any other gettogethers. Husband didn't get my point at all, my parents did and offered help for upcoming parties. For this one, Daughter's second birthday party, Husband's mom offered much-needed help and took care of the kids for two days so I could bake, chop, clean and decorate. Even Husband has realized somehow that the preparations don't happen automatically - he didn't protest doing the groceries or vacuum cleaning. He even participated in cooking by grilling during the party.

I would't mind buying the food ready for the party, right now it's just complicated because of the kids' allergies. And for 25-30 people there needs to be a whole lot of anything we choose to offer. I've been wondering what would be the smoothest way of surviving birthdays and other festivities. Traveling abroad? On the other hand it feels unfair to deny the kids something as important as the birthday parties are to them. I still remember mine from my childhood, they were a huge deal! What to do? What do you do?