Google+ Bree Bronson's Babies: 2013

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Five of us

Oh dear, it's been an agonizing couple of weeks. Lad has been signaling that he's on his way, and still he's stayed in there stubbornly. Until now.

Lad is a big baby and doing fine, I'm sore but lighter and will be fine one of these days. I'll update more once we get home!

Sunday, August 25, 2013

The shameful hair

Photo: commons.wikimedia.org
Every now and then I get to read a post or article about body hair, especially pubic hair. I find the topic interesting because I've had to think about it a lot when being with Husband. The party starter was my hairiness. Because my long hair does come with company.

I'm rather blonde but I do have a lot of hair everywhere. I've seen girls who've got a lot more though so I'm no exception. And ladies' duty nowadays is to shave it all off. And we do - I've heard someone say "I didn't know girls have hair down there." The funny thing I find is that this take-it-all-off trend doesn't seem to apply to guys at all.

I've been in situations when guys discuss how sexy they think it is when girls wax off their pubic hair. And how unsexy it is if they don't. If the guys are then told that in that case the same thing applies to them the whole gang goes like "dudes shaving – totally gay!! Body hair is masculine and sexy". They usually shut up if they're told that it's actually us girls who decide whether body or pubic hair is sexy on guys or not. Even Husband told me I looked like a beaver when I had a pause with waxing (reason being my sking couldn't take it at that moment). That's when I handed Husband a razor blade and  told him to tidy up big time down there. He's also complained about my "mustach". It disturbs him when we kiss, he says. So I wax it off too. He barely bothers to shave his chin.

I've been shaving/waxing down there for more than 10 years already. I like how my skin feels, I'm quite hairy so I get huge bikini line issues if I let it grow and guys like it as well. When I'm shaved I get, how to put it, better service. I like to leave a stripe of hair in the middle though because I don't want my parts to look similar with my 2-year old daughter's. I think the same thing about guys: I appreciateit  if the guy has put some effort on grooming (the tree also looks bigger without long grass growing under it but I seriously think it looks a bit funny if a grown-up, often also otherwise hairy guy has shaved it all off. But guys, do trim! At least I appreciate it.

Having said that I can add as well that it's truly not a big deal for me if my man groomes or not. The big deal is that if I'm expected to do that the guy should be willing to do it as well. I used to think that guys don't have to groom to be attractive. That's because my previous boyfriends told me that I'm beautiful no matter how I treat my body hair. Husband has let me know that my body hair disturbs him and makes me unattractive in his eyes. So I shave and expect the same from him.

I'm eight months pregnant now so I haven't seen my crotch for a couple of months. Hence I've been unable to shave or wax. Husband still made a comment about my "beaver" some time ago. So I booked a time for waxing.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Difficult to walk

Photo: deboraardka.blogspot.com
Early this summer Son asked me if I have difficult to walk. I didn't get the question at all first.

Then I remembered: when we told the kids that we'll have a baby Son was impatient and kept asking day to day whether the baby would come already. I tried to explain that there was still a long wait ahead of us and told him how big my belly would get eventually. What all we would do during the summer and fall before the little brother would arrive. And that I would get tired and slow. And that it would be difficult to walk for me.

At the time Son asked me the answer was no. I had just run a half-marathon and was in great shape considering that I had already over 20 weeks of pregnancy behind me. He hasn't asked since. However, today the reply would be different. I'm heaps bigger and 15 kilograms heavier than before the pregnancy. If I walk any faster than a turtle I'll get contractions. Already early June I was asked if I'm due any day soon. I had then almost four months to go.

Today the week count is 32 and nobody is asking anything anymore. It's probably written on my forehead that I indeed have difficult to walk.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Pippi freak

Photo: filmnyheter.nu
My natural hair color is redish and I have green eyes. And those features don't come alone. Yep, you guessed: I've got freckles. During summertime I actually look quite a lot like Pippi Longstocking. This used to bother me earlier in life but now I don't care anymore. I can do little about it anyway.

The only thing that really bugs me anymore is that my skin is so sensitive. It doesn't tolerate coldness (athopic rash) or sun (instant burning). So whenever I'm traveling I bathe in SPF50 sunscreen every morning. In Mexico and Cuba people actually thought I'm really ill because I'm so white. And I don't get a tan no matter how much I'd be in the sun. If Corpse Bride wouldn't be an animation I would be starring the lead female role. That's how white I am. My Chinese friend envied my skin ("oooo, you're so white, I want your skin!") but I told her to wake up and introduced some facts.

I wasn't always like this. When I was a two-year old my hair was rather dark and I had sky-blue eyes. The first freckles appeared around the time I started school and by that time my eyes had turned green as well. The older I've become the more I've gotten freckles. I'm an alien what comes to blood type as well: when I was born my blood type was O+ (it was tested because Mother has rhesus negative blood). When I started donating blood at the age of 18 I was tested as A+. My blood type had changed, I'd developed a weak A antigen. I'm not kidding you, ask Mother if you like. And oh, I'm neither right- nor left-handed. Most things are difficult for me with either hand but if I'll have pick the pen ends up in my left hand. Rest of the tasks will go 50-50. So I have no idea how I will end up.

Husband is really white as well so it wasn't a surprise that the kids have white hair, whiter skin and big blue eyes. And they need to bathe in sunscreen as well when the sun comes out. But Daughter has started transforming now. Her hair has turned slightly red. We'll get another Pippi in the house! It'll be fun to see how she ends up. Because when she eats or draws, the spoon and pen travel equally between her right and left hand. Mommy's girl!

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

A laid-back vacation

Photo: wikipedia.org
We were on a holiday. All of us four (and half). During the spring Husband started to talk about how nice it would be to travel somewhere and at the end of the day we ended up in Alanya, Turkey. We picked a huge all-inclusive resort and chose a large room with a separate living room where we could relax while the kids were sleeping. Our main thought was that the kids would be a bit bigger now so at least Son would be good company to travel with. Well. Depends how you look at it.

In terms of our vacation plan there were definitely some things that were a success:

The resort.

Just what a monkey circus like our family needs. The room was great for us, there were plenty of activities for the kids including a nice kiddy pool and the food was plenty and available during certain times. I couldn't ask for a better place to stay.

The destination.

Alanya is touristy but there are some interesting sights as well. The beaches are suitable for kids and we could walk on the streets relatively undisturbed. The sun was shining and the locals seemed to like kids. Which is very important when we show up. Turkey is also very free-minded to be an islam-dominated country, I didn't have to worry about how I dress and for example alcohol (which none of us was drinking) was available everywhere. The flight there from Finland wasn't too long either, around 4 hours. I could travel there again for a family holiday.

Husband.

He was behaving surprisingly well. No temper tantrums or other ridiculous stuff and he was helping with the kids all the time. His was shouting at the kids a lot though because...

...There were some things we couldn't quite anticipate:

Son.

Behavior-vice I wasn't expecting much from Daughter, she's two anyway. But I somehow thought that Son would be already a bit more...sensible? Older? Something. But I was wrong. I mean, he does get temper tantrums at home as well for sure, he's still only four. But he's mostly a great guy to hang out with (which wasn't the case two years ago to be honest) and he has common sense and understands reasonable rules and limitations. All this seemed to fly out of his head as soon as we entered the airport building in Helsinki. He was sitting on timeout already before passport control. He started to get his manners back only after a couple of days. I don't know why this happened. Was it all too exciting for him? Were I and Husband somehow tense and Son reacted to that? I have no clue. Anyhow, especially Son's behavior was such that Husband announced after the first day that he will consider a trip with the kids next time earliest after six years. We will see about that.

I think that the trip went rather well after all. No accidents and no-one got ill or sunburned. After the first nightmare-behavior days I pointed out to Husband that the kids aren't actually behaving any better at home. He just hasn't really spent time with them so much. Also, when I'm alone with the kids they somehow seem to behave better than when Husband's around. Go figure.

I wouldn't consider this a real, relaxing holiday though. I'm exhausted. Just watching after the kids in an environment like that is ten times the job thjan at home. And with my current belly I'm out of energy quite quickly. Son announced that he'd like to stay in Turkey and live there so he could swim every day. I doubt I could have taken another week.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

It is a lad

I suspected it almost right away. I was drinking my morning coffee like nothing was happening. I was already five weeks pregnant. When I was expecting Daughter I couldn't get out of bed in the mornings until twelve weeks had passed. I was feeling so ill. Food or coffee was out of question. With Son - almost nothing. This time - almost nothing. I told Husband that I'll eat my hat if this is a girl. The second ultrasound check confirmed that I can keep my headwear. We're having another boy.

When my nausea analysis proved to be right I started really getting used to the thought that Son and Daughter are getting a little brother. Then this happened and I somehow put the whole pregnancy on hold. I didn't want to get more attached to the baby (what a stupid thought, my pregnancy was already halfway so the baby was of course very dear to me) so I avoided thinking about the whole pregnancy. If the baby kicked all I could think of was "oh you little thing, I might lose you".

After the good news came I sort of started to build the relationship again to the little lad growing inside me. We told the kids they're getting a little brother. Son was hoping for a girl (!) So he protested first. I offered to donate Daughter's dresses to friends. I started to think of me and Daughter as a minority in our family. We'll be 3-2 in the future.

I can't know if everything will go fine until the Lad is born but now I'm more confident. It'll go just fine.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

28 degrees

Daughter and the convertible
...is the outside temperature. I can't describe how much I'm enjoying it. I'm such a summer person and last year the summer somehow didn't come at all. Now we've had at least a couple of great days. So go out and enjoy at least if you're living in Helsinki area. The work can wait until November. That's all I'd like to share today.

...and why the heck are we living in Finland again, by the way?

Monday, May 27, 2013

Then the phone finally rang

Photo: midwifesboutique.com
For the past two weeks I've been able to do little less than bite my nails. Sleeping hasn't really been an option and I've filled my days with all imaginable non-important tasks just to keep myself busy. Still there's only been one single thought in my head: I can't make it if he's sick.

The worst case scenario has included two equally terrible options. Having an extra demanding baby when we already have two wee ones in the house would probably be too much. I don't think I could make it. I've seen how much attention and special care the sick boy my cousin has needs. I also know a family who chose to keep a sick baby, it was their third child. The girl is about 15 years old today and lives in a nursing home. The mother has suffered from difficult mental problems since the girl was a couple of years old and the parents have divorced. I can somehow see us on the same road and I don't think any of that would be fair to the kids. Son and Daughter would lose big time.

Abortion then? I don't think doing abortion is ever easy, especially if the baby is expected and desired. And in my case it wouldn't be a "regular" abortion which can be done until week 12. In Finland abortion is permitted up to week 24 with special permission. The permission can be granted only if the baby is seriously ill or the pregnancy is threatening the mother's health. I already have 22 weeks behind me so abortion would basically mean giving birth to a dead baby. And killing the fetus first. I would blame myself for the rest of my life although I think there are no right or wrong solutions in these kinds of situations. Despite of all this we chose abortion. I needed to be prepared, just in case.

Last Thursday I finally got the phone call. Of all the places in the world I was, of course, in the grocery store. Alone. I don't know when I've cried in front of the candy shelf last time. The test result was normal. I'm not a carrier. Nor can the baby be, or Son, or Daughter. It was one of the best phone calls I've ever received.

I'm writing about this first now because my hands haven't stopped shaking until yesterday evening. Last night I had the first proper sleep for a long time. Some time ago I decided that I'll buy a nice maternity dress if the news are good. I'll probably pick it up tomorrow. It's quite nice, isn't it?

Saturday, May 11, 2013

The genetic roulette

Photo: connect2ideas.com
My cousin had a son about a year ago. (We're actually second cousins, our grandmothers are sisters.) As the boy started to grow the doctors soon noticed that everything wasn't like it should. The boy's muscles were extremely weak. Now, as he's about to turn one, he can't still even hold his head up. After some tests they found out that the little guy suffers from a difficult form of Pelizaeus-Merzbacher Disease (PMD). PMD is a genetic disease that causes muscle weakness in various levels and mental retardness as well. My cousin's son is not likely to learn to walk, although his prognose is unclear as his version of the gene mutation is unknown to science from before. Further tests showed that the disease has made its way to the boy in the X-chromosomes of his mom and grandmother. (Girls will not get ill although they may be carriers as their healthy X-chromosome backs up for the damaged one). So what does this have to do with anything here? Well, remember: I'm pregnant.

Mother didn't have her happy face on when we stopped by with the kids. She had called me and asked if we could come over to say hello to her cousin who had popped in. After hugging my godparents I already knew what I was about to hear: it's positive. It's not only the sick boy and my second cousin who carry the mutated gene, Mother's cousin has it too. So her mother may have it, her grandmother may have had it. That means that my grandmother may have it, Mother may have it, I may have it, the baby may have it. Even Daughter may have it. Son is clean as he would be ill if his X would be damaged. The regards to me from the gene lab weren't too cheerful: contact the hospital immediately. You need to be tested before you're 24 weeks pregnant. My count now is 20.

I started to calculate the odds. We're actually rather well off although we still know quite little. The gene mutation may have started from Mother's cousin or her mother. In that case we would be safe. Husband counted (an engineer, what can you do...) that in case my great grandmother carried the mutated gene our baby has a 6 % chance of being a carrier. I counted that in case I'm a carrier both Son, my uncle and my granduncle have won a jackpot in this roulette. They've had a 50-50 chance of getting ill, all of them are fine. So far there's only this one little boy who's become ill. The odds of being a carrier are always 50-50 if the mother is a carrier. And girls will not get ill. I'm suddenly hoping for a girl really badly.

Next morning I phoned the hospital right away in the morning. They weren't exactly helpful. After some persuasion they agreed though to consider my case on a meeting on Monday afternoon - if my second cousin would let them to inspect her son's papers (since he's the only one who's ill so far). Of course she did, she's the sweetest lady on earth. Now I need to phone the hospital again on Tuesday, after one more week has passed, to find out if they will inspect me. And if they don't? I have no clue. The worst case scenario I'm thinking of now is that I will need to decide whether to continue the pregnancy without any further information. I would probably take my chances. At the same time I'm too afraid of thinking of having an ill baby as our third child. I couldn't make it. I know today that if I'll be told that our baby is ill I will get an abortion. Although it will be my toughest decision ever.

On Monday we will also have a routine ultrasound check. What a coincidence. We will probably find out if we're expecting a boy or a girl. Happy Mothers' Day to everyone - I'm trying to say this without sarcasm because it isn't helping.

Monday, May 6, 2013

The fat girl can run

A bit to go
Shit, I've been so nervous for the whole past week. Yeah, about the Helsinki City Run half-marathon. I actually had no reason to be nervous at all. My training went really well and I decided that I'll run in total comfort mode, nice and really slow. I'll walk if I feel like it, I'll interrupt if I start feeling uncomfortable. And the midwife said it's ok to run as long as I feel fine with it.

But still. Am I doing damage to the baby just by training or going for the run itself? I'm halfway in my pregnancy anyway. How about my hips and knees? I can't do it, my friends will be there in vain cheering up for me! And so on. And then, on Saturday, I just did it.

I slowly jogged my way through the route and didn't even walk. I was feeling great and had a blast. The only emergency I had was that after the 10 kilometer sign I started to need to pee really bad (nice practical joke, dear baby). I didn't - there was queue to every toilet along the route. I saved that fun to the finish as well. My friends were there to cheer up for me. I was slow, sure enough, it took me a bit over 2,5 hours to make it across the finish line. But now I feel like queen of fucking everything. It was possible! The baby didn't seem to mind at all either, the wee one is kicking just like before. At the end of the day I'm really happy I did this. It was a great experience.

After all this praise there's a thought I'd like to share just to keep our feet on the ground. This was my third half-marathon, last year I did a full marathon at the end of the summer. I've been also running through the whole winter so I have some running routine. And as this is my third pregnancy I know a bit how it should and shouldn't feel like. Couple of years ago in Helsinki City Run (the same competition I participated in now) a middle-aged man collapsed in the very last hill before getting to the stadium. He got a heart attack and died. This year I saw a young girl (probably in her mid-20's) on the route who had collapsed a bit after 15 kilometers. She was lying on the ground and judging from the first aid the paramedics were giving her her heart had stopped. I've been checking the news but I don't know what happened to her. I'd like to, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she didn't suffer the same faith as the guy did some years ago.

I have a certain respect for the longer runs. I never take it for granted that I will even make it to the start. I wish everyone else adopts the same mindset. Happy running to everyone and enjoy the summer training season - I'll skip the marathon this year.

Friday, April 26, 2013

What is he?

Narcissus
Photo: underpaintings.blogspot.com
This same scene has been repeated in our house dozens of times. Husband comes home from work and starts to bitch and nag about everything without any specific reason. He literally asks for trouble. I can see that he's tired, hungry and probably had a terrible day at work. He explodes though if I ask him anything about it. The situation gets astronomically worse if I happen to be tired enough myself to mention anything about it. Then I'm likely to get a response such as (a real-life quote): "How can you say you're tired, you're at home all day and get to do whatever you want?!".

Most times I'm too tired or fed up to argue anything in these situations. And by now I'm also experienced enough to realize that I'm not winning anything if I'll join the fight. From Husband's side there will never be an apology, an explanation or an attempt to make up for anything. He will always consider himself a victim, no matter what, and make me apologize for what I've said or done during the fight. What I've found most useful is that I'll just ignore him completely. I'll lock myself in the bathroom or give him the rudest answers: "You're gonna kill yourself? OK, just keep in mind while doing it that me and the kids will get no insurance money whatsoever because the insurance doesn't cover suicide.". Extremely blunt, I know, but I can expect equally little sympathy from him if I'm feeling low. And I think that he, as an adult guy, should realize that by saying "man, I had a crappy day at work" he would trigger much more understanding response from me as well.

Taking all this into consideration my question is this: what is this guy? Would it be fair to label him as a narcissist? The word has been circulating in my mind from time to time. Or is he just a big crybaby? A jackass? What should I call him? It would be somehow easier to handle him if I could put a label on his behavior.

I'm partly wondering because I've came to notice one thing: my blog isn't mostly about being a mom. It's about my relationship to Husband and dealing with this kind of guy. When I started blogging a bit over 100 posts ago I decided to write about whatever I feel like. Well, check the tag cloud. I should probably edit my description text.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

If you ever watch TV: House of Cards

Photo: shakespeareresolved.blogspot.com
Although I love movies, I'm not good at watching TV. I find most of the programs wasting my time or they're just completely out of my interest area. So when I heard about House of Cards, a rare occasion occurred: I felt that I must see this.

Ever since The Usual Suspects I've been a huge fan of Kevin Spacey. Not that he would be a pretty face to look at, for that I watch Keanu Reeves (he's probably the hottest guy on earth). Kevin Spacey is just a marvellous actor and I've liked everything I've seen him in. So a series he's starring just sounded too good to be true. And the fact that Netflix grabbed House of Cards in front the noses of HBO and similar players just made it more interesting to me. Luckily Husband is nerdy enough to have made sure we're good what comes to any entertainment services.

Kevin Spacey didn't let me down this time either. The series is just fantastic and I'm hooked for good. When the kids are napping I put on an episode and for fourty minutes I can escape my lonesome reality and pretend I have as much character as Kevin Spacey and that I'm equally classy to Robin Wright.

I'm almost done with season one so please Netflix, publish more episodes soon. I need a place to escape and I can't even drink right now. This is an emergency, please!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Handy Housewife is buying tickets

Photo: the-edge-of-the-sky.blogspot.com
I've been quite tired and jetlagged this week after our trip to Hongkong. As I've been stuggling through the daily tasks I've felt that my head is a complete mess: I don't remember anything, I keep forgetting everything and I can't handle even the simplest things. If someone talks to me my responses are so stupid that I'm ashamed of them even myself. Then it struck me: this is the head I've been carrying between my shoulders for six months both times when I've had a baby.

Some incidents I still remember like yesterday. When Son was just a couple of weeks old we decided to take a little trip to a nearby zoo and took our pram to a ferry. I had checked that kids under seven years old didn't have to pay. So when a young lad came to us to sell the tickets I told him we'd like to have two adults' tickets. Then I pointed at the pram and said: "He's under seven years old." The guy's face was worth several millions of dollars and after a while he said: "Well - I would be surprised if you had a schoolkid hidden in there."

Jeez. I can't wait what a comedienne I'll become when this baby is born. Hooray.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

One seal coming up!

We finally told our relatives that we have a third kid on the way. I've wanted to postpone spreading the news although my belly is already quite obvious. There are couple of reasons. I haven't told my boss yet. We don't know yet if we have a daycare place for Daughter. And then there's Mother. She's developed a tendency to worry about...well, everything. Especially receiving baby news has been her specialty. This is how she first reacted when she found out about my two previous pregnancies:

When I was expecting Son

"So how many kids are you going to have exactly?!?"

(We were planning none mom, although we want this one very much. I was on the pill when I became pregnant.)

When I was expecting Daughter

"Was this one an accident as well???"

(No, and, what the fuck mom?!)

So when normal people go like "congrats", Mother is much more creative in her output. Frankly, I didn't want to face her first reaction. Nor did I want to answer all the following worried but so unnecessary questions. Along the lines with this: couple of months ago she told me with a shaky voice how happy she was that I wasn't pregnant then. Why? Because the hospital where Son and Daughter were born is being renovated. I'll tell her to start scrubbing the sauna clean now - that's where gandmother was born as well.

So this time I was sneaky with the news. Mother and Father are on vacation and I just sent them an MMS message with an ultrasound picture. Just to give Mother some time to think what to say. When my phone rang she said - voila - congratulations! First then she started to worry that we only have two kids' rooms in our house.

The first ones to be informed were the kids. We showed them the ultrasound pic and asked what they think was in it. Daughter said "snow". Son guessed a seal. Then they returned to their Legos and ignored my baby-in-mom's-belly explanation. I think we need to have another chat about this.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Why stay?

Photo: leadership.uoregon.edu
I was commenting an another blog and mentioned this. An anonymous reader then started wondering why have any more kids with Husband since he was acting like a jerk with the first one. And why stay in the relationship in the first place?

Well. Ending a relationship has never been easy for me. I want to be sure before I act because when I do, there will be no going back. And now it's not all about me or Husband, the kids do love their dad and would suffer from an eventual divorce no matter how we would arrange our lives. So I really have to be sure. One of these days I may be.

Another thing is that I didn't win Husband in a lottery or pick him randomly. I did fall in love with him. We do have things in common. And we did want siblings to Son, both of us. And, although I don't mention them much in here, there are good things about Husband as well:

Sex

He likes it, I like it very much. Some guys lose their interest in sex at some point in the relationship, but with Husband I haven't had to call 911 about this. He's also good in bed if he wants to, unlike many other guys.

Whatever technical stuff

If it uses electricity, Husband is good at it. And likes to play with it as well. I'm not the one who sets up the home theatre system in our house and I'll never have to touch it.

Quirky girl is ok

I'm quite unlike many other girls. I'm not sweet and smiling and I'll definitely talk back to anyone who's being a jackass. Husband doesn't mind as long as I talk back to someone else. Most guys are afraid of me or think that I "have a problem".

I don't laugh alone

Our senses of humor go together quite well. I don't have to explain more.

See you

He will take me to Hongkong next week. I'm astonished because he has to pay for both of us as I don't have money. And I even got to pick the destination his time - which has never happened before.

When I think about our problems I come up with several possible issues that may bug Husband at the end of the day:

- He has been single too long. It's visible from miles away that he can only think of himself.

- He can't adapt to our life as a family. I had to give up everything for kids. I adapted somehow. Husband is complaining since he has so little time to ride his motorbike or sports car.

- I have changed and Husband doesn't like the new Bree. I sure have changed and so has he.

But I really don't know what I could do about that.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Einstein was here

Photo: runwriterace.com
There are finally some signs of spring. It's about time. To me, spring usually is a huge relief: no more snow or biting coldness, we're getting more light and spending time outdoors becomes an option again.

This year wasn't an exception. The weather has become bearable, the Easter break offered a few days of relaxation (even Husband was at home!), a visit to the doctor's put an end to the total strike in my system so that I don't need to spend hours in the loo anymore (thank you pregnancy fairy, this was about the only symptom I haven't suffered from so far) and, most of all, running has become fun again, not just survival. I switched to normal running shoes and took an 8 kilometer run. It felt good.

Then I got an e-mail that promoted Helsinki City Run. Only a few days, then the sign-up period will be over! I laughed at the thought first: a pregnant woman running a half-marathon. Give me a break. Then, after I had taken my 8 kilometer run, Husband suggested Helsinki City Run to me as well. I don't think he was serious. But I couldn't let the thought go. Why not? The doctor said I can run as long as it feels good. And it does. So I signed up. There are no refunds.

Guess who's having second thoughts? I don't even know exactly why but I feel ridicously stupid right now. But we'll see. I'll try to adopt a thought that I'll just take it very easy. I can walk if I get too tired. And so on.

A pregnant woman running a half-marathon. I'm an idiot!

Monday, March 25, 2013

At mom's and dad's

Photo: all-famous-quotes.com
When we renovated our house last year we ended up living at my parents' for three months before we could move in to our own house. Before moving there we had been living in Sister's (whom we kicked out to her boyfriend's place) flat for four months. The whole year was an interesting experience because we lived in four different places during the year. (Son still asks at home regularly "do we live here?".) The most interesting part was still to live at mom's and dad's.

Mother and Father invited us to stay with them at the very beginning of the renovation. They were really sweet and just wanted to help of course. We thought still we would save everyone's nerves by living at Sister's place although it was more expensive for us. Sister ended up selling the flat - our plan C was to move to my parent's. So we ended up moving there because we really had to. It had been over thirteen years ago for me. And this time I had two kids plus Husband with me.

I was slightly terrified at first. I consider myself as flexible but Mother had been irritating me for some time already. Husband has never been friends with Mother. I need my own space. Mother is a control freak. There were millions of things in the house that were dangerous or that the kids could break. And an old dog who had been ill and slightly cranky. And we really didn't have a choice. Hence I decided not to think about the worst case scenarios at all.

Quite soon after we moved I noticed how everyone took a certain role in the house. There was the family with parents and two kids. It consisted of me, the kids and Father who spent time with us as soon as he came home from work. There was the single guy (Husband) who was never around. And then there was the isolated old lady: Mother who spent all her time in her room sleeping or surfing with her computer. It went surprisingly well. It was actually, funnily though, the first time ever that I had a dad for the kids that participated all the time. Although the dad was mine. When I needed to escape I took a long run. (In case someone was wondering how I found motivation for marathon training.) The dog solved the issue by dying one week after we had moved in.

So what did I learn? We do adapt if we want to. It's a lot about motivation. Now though when looking back at the time at Mother's and Father's house - I don't know how I survived really. I don't want to do it ever again.

Do you have a similar experience? What was your survival method?

Thursday, March 21, 2013

All my relationships fail

...said Husband once when we had a fight. He referred to his ex-girlfriend who had left Husband and he didn't understand why. So he thought it's pointless to make an effort with me as well because our relationship would fail anyway. I've soon spent seven years with Husband and I think I know why his relationships have failed. I wish he would realize it himself as well - I've tried to give him a whole lot of hints. So, honey, here's my wishlist:

Work less

We (and your firm) would do just fine even if you would work a little less. It's not about money. You don't handle stress very well and become quite a handful when you're tired or stressed out. You bitch about everything to me and I have to be constantly on my tiptoes if I don't want to become your target. You yell at the kids and treat them badly. So your work is not all about you, it concerns all of us. Also, I can't prevent you from killing yourself with work but you can't expect me to do the same thing. Because when you're at work, I take care of everything at home.

Respect your woman

There are things you're not very good at. Some of these things are such that other people, including me, are better at them than you. Deal with it. You're good at many things but your skills aren't the only valuable ones. If you would value my skills higher and allow us to combine them with yours, we would make a hell of a team.

Give space to her

You want to do certain things undisturbed and that's great, they're in your territory. So be my guest. But I want to have my territory as well, I'm no different in that sense. So get the hell out when I'm decorating the house. And oh, cooking doesn't count. Because I fucking hate the everyday cooking project but I can't let the kids go around hungry either. So, hint: you're more than welcome in the kitchen.

Behave

You're a grown-up guy, start behaving like one. I know my food tastes ok so it would be polite if you'd try it one of these days. Also, there's no reason to scream fuck and hell if you lose the garage key. Go look for it instead. You would go nuts if I'd treat you like you sometimes treat me. I'm a member of no church but a certain Jesus guy put it quite well: treat other people like you want to be treated yourself. Think about it!

Work on your character

I know you're a Leo but it doesn't mean you're allowed to decide about everything and do everything your way. Learn to make compromises. Your lack of empathy pushes people away from you - you'll need to start realizing you're not the only one who's got a lot on your plate. Also, stop manipulating me, it's not working, I see through it. To put it bluntly: I just read an article about a woman who spent two years in a relationship with a violent man. She described the man's behavior. It stroke me that you behave exactly like the man in the article except that you only use mental violence, not physical. What should I think of this? At least I think that you need help but you refuse to realize it yourself.

Now the only remaining thing is to find someone to deliver this message to you. Because you haven't listened when I've told you. That's a pity.

Anyone else having thoughts along these lines?

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Are we there yet?

It looks like this when hell freezes over
I'll admit gladly here and now that March is my new hate month. It's not the stomach flu/food poisoning/whatever curse that put me down for the whole week last week. It's not the world's crankiest Husband who works day and night. It's not everybody having birthdays right now and me having no presents for them. It's the total absense of spring.

By this time of year there usually is a hint - no, obvious signs - of spring. The snow is melting, the temperature climbs up over 0 C and people start looking for their bikes and running shoes. Last year March was a joke - no spring. I almost fainted when I realized I had to run a half-marathon in one month: I hadn't been running for two months and there was snow up to my belly button everywhere. This year it's the same thing again: it's colder out there than in my freezer (it really has been almost - 20 C in the nights), the wind is freezing me to death and the only thing moving the snow is the snow ploughs. Because we got more snow yesterday evening. There's little else to do than emigrate. I'm considering that seriously.

The only difference to December is light, sunlight particularly. Thanks at least for that, master of weather. You dickhead.

Monday, March 11, 2013

The girl who eats rabbit food only

Photo: xinrongcanfly.blogspot.com
For a bit over 10 years ago I felt that the right thing for me to do was become a vegetarian. There were many reasons: I didn't like the way most meat is produced, I thought the animals weren't treated respectfully and to me it seemed that consuming meat takes too much resources from this planet. I felt that I'd been closing my eyes for these things and wanted to change that. I'm still vegetarian today - I eat eggs and some dairy products though. Cutting off all meat, poultry and fish was the easy choice for me: to be honest I'm too lazy to ask and do research all the time about what fish or meat would be responsible to eat. Finding organic and local food in the supermarket is relatively easy though so I try to do that. Keeping a balanced diet and finding something to eat in a restaurant is easier when I eat eggs and dairy products as well.

I've never had an urge to preach about my choices about eating and consuming. If asked I will explain, otherwise I'll keep it to myself mostly. Many times I've ended up eating only salad and bread at a party but that's ok for me. Being a vegetarian is something that comes up often though in everyday situations. And boy, does it cause the most peculiar reactions. I would never have thought beforehand how strong feelings my eating or non-eating can develop in others. The words "I'm a vegetarian" are heard so many different ways. Along these lines:

"I don't eat."

These people consider meat and potato the only things that will keep a person alive in the first place. Anything else is rabbit food and vegetarians simply torture themselves by refusing to eat. Typical question from a person in this group is "oh my, what do you live on?" and he will repeatedly offer a steak to the poor rabbit-food-eater by saying "you should try this, it's really good, you're missing out so much!". If forced to cook for a vegetarian there will be meat soup on the menu - one can always pick the meat bits aside. Age: typically 55+, also present in younger age groups.

"I'm a better person than you."

This group sees vegetarians as snobs who think their eating habits make them superior to others. If a vegeterian is confronted by one of these people a long, exhausting interrogation will follow where the aim is to find a fault in the vegetarian's "eating logic". If they succeed, it will not just make their day but the whole week. Usually heard from people in this group: "But how come you eat vegetables from all over the world but not domestic meat? The transportation pollutes so much. And why do eat eggs? And dairy products? You're exploiting the animals anyway." No matter what you say, it will be pointed out to you anyway that you're a fool.

"You're a disgusting savage who tortures animals."

For these people admitting that you're a vegetarian equals declaring war. They will be personally insulted by just the fact that the person next to them chooses to eat different to them. And since you already provoked them by being a vegetarian you will have to engage in an aggressive conversation although you don't necessarily give a rats ass about the person or how he eats. Typical questions from these people include "so you think I'm a rude caveman because I eat meat?!" followed by endless questions about whether the vegetarian would eat different meat or fish if it would be grown in a certain way. Civilized conversation or peaceful arguments are out of question with these people. If a vegetarian makes the mistake of cooking for any of these guys, the food will remain untouched and the guests will head to the nearest steakhouse.

"I'm saving the world."

These people will consider any vegetarian automatically as a goofy tree-hugging hippie who thinks the nature and animals - well the whole world - will be saved by his choices. These people are rather harmless to deal with as long the vegetarian plays his role well and doesn't mind being considered as a fool: "yes, I feel sorry for the animals and cry for every tree that is chopped down in the rainforests". If provoked for some reason, these guys can give the vegetarian hard time as well: "Do you really think it makes a difference that you don't eat meat? You're one of the bad guys anyway because you have a western lifestyle. You're not saving any animals by being a vegetarian, someone else will just eat your beef portion."

"I eat only veggies."

These guys are a delight to deal with. They make a genuine try to understand and don't eventually mind if they end up disagreeing. The differing eating habits will never be an issue. Some will ask friendly questions, others don't if you don't bring it up yourself. Some ask for cooking advice, some give good advice themselves. These people might say something like "my sister's a vegetarian too and she makes the most amazing falafel!" or "shit, I'd like to become one myself too but it's really hard!" or even "me too, but in my home town in India there's a restaurant where they serve meat as well". I just love all of you guys.

I'm sure that being gay, choosing not to have kids or any other slightly different quality will bring up similar attitudes. In Finland a sure bet is being a Swedish-speaking Finn. Indeed, I must write about that one of these days. But what else? What makes civilized people provoked unintentionally? Do you have an experience yourself?

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Are they twins?!?

Photo: scientificamerican.com
It's started already. The comments about my baby belly. Yes, I have one although I'm less than ten weeks pregnant. It just popped out about a week ago. I can still hide it if I avoid exhaling and eating but I definitely have one already. As this is my third pregnancy it's probably normal that the belly appeared sooner than the previous times. Now I'll just have to keep inhaling until I'm comfortable with telling about my pregnancy to everyone.

My belly has been a source of numerous jokes during my previous pregnancies. I understand that because I've looked totally silly. My belly has been a joke: it's been a huge, completely round ball that sits on my hips. If I've turned my back it can't be seen. I've looked so ridiculous that complete strangers have started commenting my belly to me on the street. Along the lines of this:

- "You definitely have a baby on the way!" (No shit, Sherlock.)

- "Are you expecting twins? No?! Are you sure?" (Ever heard of ultrasound?)

- "Your belly is absolutely HUGE!" (Yours isn't too small either, sir, but you're hardly pregnant.)

Once I get to know what the average bypasser thinks of my belly this time I'll let you know. But as I said, the comments started pouring in already during Daughter's birthday party. Best Friend knows I'm pregnant and she went immediately like "Whaat, it's showing already!". Two people who didn't know about my pregnancy guessed. My friend started chatting like "Sooo, you've moved recently, do you have any OTHER NEWS?" I didn't want to start lying and she promised to keep her mouth shut. My cousin, however, took the lead for the best comment:

"So you're like three-four months pregnant? Only two? Are you sure you're not expecting twins??!!??"

I'm pretty sure. And I think I'll have to start carrying an ultrasound picture with me to convince people about that.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Two

Congrats
I've been silent for a couple of days, sorry about that. I've got an explanation though: I've been arranging a birthday party for Daughter. She turned two. I like arranging parties and I've had a habit of throwing a big birthday party for my birthday as well, just for fun. Once the kids were born doing the arrangements is "slightly" different though.

When Son turned two Daughter was just a small baby. I tried to downscale all the preparations but still I ended up working non-stop for several days before the party. I naturally had the kids to take care of at the same time and Husband was of no help. Taking care of the kids was a 24-hour job so any party preparations were just too much. I somehow managed but was absolutely exhausted after the party. Soon after I collapsed.

After Son's second birthday party I went on party strike. I refused to be responsible for arranging any more birthdays, christmas parties or any other gettogethers. Husband didn't get my point at all, my parents did and offered help for upcoming parties. For this one, Daughter's second birthday party, Husband's mom offered much-needed help and took care of the kids for two days so I could bake, chop, clean and decorate. Even Husband has realized somehow that the preparations don't happen automatically - he didn't protest doing the groceries or vacuum cleaning. He even participated in cooking by grilling during the party.

I would't mind buying the food ready for the party, right now it's just complicated because of the kids' allergies. And for 25-30 people there needs to be a whole lot of anything we choose to offer. I've been wondering what would be the smoothest way of surviving birthdays and other festivities. Traveling abroad? On the other hand it feels unfair to deny the kids something as important as the birthday parties are to them. I still remember mine from my childhood, they were a huge deal! What to do? What do you do?

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Like the male elephant

Safari
Last September I took a trip to Kenya with my Father. It was his birthday present. During the trip we visited Amboseli National Park wondering the thousands of elephants that live there. Our guide told that the male elephants always live alone, to which Father commented "just like us guys then, haha".

His comment didn't seem like a complete joke and it made me think. Are guys alone in this world? Because that's what Husband keeps on trumpeting as well: "I'm alone working my ass off to support for the family and no-one appreciates my efforts". Right. When I think about Father or Husband they are way less alone than I am or Mother is. The both guys are working which attaches them in a tight network. Father has multiple friends and hobbies, Husband has his own friends as well. And there have always been networks for guys (army, different clubs) where women aren't welcome (almost) at all. Still the both guys feel that they are "alone in the world". Why?

Home has maybe been traditionally the place where women "rule". Sure enough, right now my work is at home so I know exactly how things are run here. And most certainly enough, if I'm the one doing the cooking I'll also decide where the pots, pans, plates and ingredients are stored in the kitchen. I'm not telling Husband either how he should organize his desk at work. I think this somehow threatens Husband because he wants to decide about everything. And snce I don't let him to and keep marking my territory in the house he becomes a micro manager ("that's not how you froth milk" - editorial note: Husband doesn't drink coffee, nor has he ever tried frothing milk). So maybe he feels sort of an outsider at home? Me and kids have become a team because we spend so much time together, I'm not surprised if Husband feels left outside because he's never there with us.

My Mother rules at home for sure as well, but I don't think it explains why Father feels like a male elephant. I burn for egalitarianism and I think guys are somehow threatened by women who also have started to network now. In Helsinki area alone, there are networks for women working in IT, women entrepreneurs etc. Only for women. Ladies are now networking like guys have always done and I think that's somehow frightening men. Or is it? What do you think?

I think it's fantastic that the roles are changing a bit. If only guys would stay at home with the kids more too. Then, I think, they would get an insight to how it feels to be really lonely all the time. Even though you're never alone.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Not safe for work?

Photo: thumbpress.com
Just to cheer up our Monday I'll share what made me laugh today: I visited my blog's stats and checked what sites are referring here in the first place. I was probably expecting to see some other blogs on the top of the list.

The first two sites on the list had url's that were approximately "free porn" and "get porn now". So, ok, there are probably some guys reading this blog as well. But, on the other hand, I don't think they found what they were looking for. I'm so sorry! Hahaha!

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Happy holidays for some people

Photo: onestopcomfortview.blogspot.com
I'll admit it right away: I'm pissed off and bitter. This week, it's been winter holiday time in Southern Finland. I just decided I'll stop checking my Facebook because it's full of beautiful pics of all my friends visiting skiing resorts with their kids, traveling with their families and having other family fun. The schools are closed and even kindergartens are half-empty. For us winter holiday has another meaning. Husband has a quote - hell of a week at work - unquote because they're doing maintenance work. I'm having "private quality time" with the kids. Yesterday Husband told me that he will probably have to work over the weekend as well. Sounds like a relaxing week for all of us.

Some time ago we visited our mutual friends and they told us about their holiday week. "We just woke up in the morning with no hurry and started to plan what we'd like to do together that day. Are you guys going to have a winter holiday soon?" I bit my tongue so I wouldn't say anything compromising and let Husband answer. "Umm, we have to do maintenance at work so I don't have time for holiday. But once that's done and the other project we're working on I'll try to take some time off." Try, nice. I almost started screaming.

This pattern has been going on as long as I've known Husband. It's always been this month that's busy, this project that needs to be finished and after that it will be more laid back. Needless to say that it's never been the case. I don't know how long I was naive or just wanted to believe. Today the only thing I wonder is how Husband still talks the same crap after all these years and expects me to swallow it. It makes me feel that he thinks I'm stupid. If I take it up with him the reply I get is always the same: "I'd like to be at home more but I don't have a choice. I just have to do this." That's even bigger crap.

So happy holidays for everybody who has one. Judging from the pics in Facebook it looks nice. I'm not mad at you guys, I'm mad at myself for choosing the wrong Husband.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Just like mom

Mom in the 60's
When I was about six months pregnant expecting Son I passed a mirror with my baby belly and wearing glasses. I had already gained some weight. My Mother looked back at me from the mirror. I thought it was funny and started thinking whether I'm ending up to be like my mom. I always thought I would. As a teenager I looked up to Mother and disliked many things Father did. I was always mommy's girl although I was told repeatedly how I remind people of Father a lot.

Some years ago Mother became ill and when they finally found the reason after examining her for several months she ended up having a big surgery. Mother fully recovered from the surgery but the following depression took her with it. She has never become herself again. When Mother was in the hospital after the surgery I thought that I'm too young to be without my mom. Some time later I realized that she doesn't after all exist anymore. The person I used to know just isn't there, it's a complete stranger talking back to me. For many years we have been hoping that she would get better and at the end we realized she doesn't even want to. The depression has become a perfect shield for her and an excuse for not doing anything she finds displeasing. She never returned to work and stopped taking care of herself. She does exactly the same things every day. The sadest thing I find still is that she isn't reliable anymore. The amount of mumbo-jambo she speaks is astronomical and she seems to have lost her ability for empathy.

I felt sad for a long time, then I sort of let her go. I accepted that she's gone. We meet regularly and there are better days as well, but there's no going back. There's something good in this too, I think. I guess I've become more independent. And I understand that all those people were right: I'm quite much like Father. Not only do I look like him, we're alike personality-wise as well. Whether that's a good or bad thing is still a mystery for me.

Monday, February 18, 2013

The caffeine addict is happy

The first shot
I mentioned some time ago that for me waking up in the morning requires coffee. Which is sometimes easier said than done taken how handy I am.

I've been brewing my morning coffee with Sister's old coffee machine lately. Because my old espresso maker wouldn't work with our new induction plates. Because I broke the pot from our other coffee maker. And because I didn't know what kind of coffee maker I would like to have and I certainly didn't have any money to buy one of those. Sister's coffee maker sucks but I've considered bad coffee to be my punishment for breaking the pot.

I've been surfing and reading reviews for different espresso makers lately but it's been only for fun basically. Until there was suddenly a delivery guy on the door today in the morning. It was a package for Husband, we get those quite often. This one was huge though. I was home alone because Father had just picked up Daughter. I noticed first a bit later that there was a "best in coffee" logo on the box. Husband doesn't drink coffee.

The sneaky bastard had ordered an automatic coffee machine for me! That's something I would have never guessed. I was supposed to assemble some book shelves today but the delivery guy somewhat changed my plans. I set up my new friend instead. And I like it a lot after the first impression. It's a Philips Saeco Intella (the type is HD8751) and makes basically espresso, brew coffee, hot water and milk froth from beans or pre-ground coffee. If someone's interested, I can review it a bit more after I've gotten used to it a bit more.

Then a thought came into my head: I think Husband is trying to make up for something. First the christmas present and now this. I don't know if I'm right, if I'm just being paranoid or if Husband is sneak-reading my blog.

P.S. Not that I would be able to drink morning coffee right now. Yeah, the morning sickness kicked in. I almost threw up my breakfast on Father's shoes today when he came to pick up Daughter. Ironic, huh.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Forever engaged

Photo: mynewsviews.com
Sister is getting married next summer. So is her fiance's brother. The problem is that the other (not Sister, she seems rather reasonable so far) bride-to-be is a big, fat bridezilla whose world collapsed when she heard that there's another couple getting married on their summer. The drama is huge and we enjoy it with Husband on the front row eating popcorn and cotton candy. At the same time we keep telling each other how great it is that we organized our whole wedding in one month.

I've understood that the bridezilla couple has been engaged for a longer time already planning their perfect wedding. That's absolutely not what we did with Husband although we were engaged for a couple of years before we finally got married. I actually thought that Husband didn't want to get married at all. It didn't bother me per se but seemed still a bit odd because I sort of proposed to myself at the time. For some reason though it felt stupid to be engaged without any plans of getting married. Just being together without exchanging rings would have been fine to me even though we had a kid. I started to wonder why.

I've known two kinds of couples who have been engaged for several years without getting married. First type is the bridezilla couple. They often have a date set already though so that everything would be perfect. Some of them find it hard to find the perfect date. Then there is the couple who gets engaged but doesn't plan at all on getting married for some reason. One of these couples I know was engaged for ten years, then they broke up. I think I just didn't want to belong to either group, I wanted to get things done nice and effective. Not that it bothers me if someone else does.

The bridezilla couple we are following now is planning on getting married in Italy to maximize the attention they get. Sister is pissed off and is considering not to attend. Bring more popcorn!

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Luxury or neglecting the kid?

Photo: stmeduc.org
I mentioned on the Facebook page lately how Son thought I'd lost Daughter when I turned up alone to pick him up from daycare. I must remind him of this sometime many years later. Daycare for small children has been a huge discussion in Finland for a long time already. Some people speak for daycare in kindergarten, some for taking care of the kids at home. Everyone seems to have equally one-eyed arguments and I'm dead tired of the conversation. Kids and families are different, and I just wish someone would realize that there are different needs as well.

I hated going to daycare when I was a kid. It was horrible, and I don't even know exactly why. I didn't have any friends. I still have very few. I had a feeling all the time that I was in a wrong place or in someone's way. Probably I was just the odd girl who wouldn't adapt. I guess I still am.

When Son was born I had my own experiences about daycare in mind and decided to keep him at home. However, as about 2,5 years old he started to seem bored at home and wanted to play with other kids. Daughter was just a baby, she didn't qualify as good company. So we decided to put Son in daycare for half-time. Now he spends his mornings in daycare and has a blast. For Son the benefits have been obvious. He's started to speak fluent Swedish (it's a Swedish-speaking group), he's learned to play with other kids, he's learned to function in a group and knows nowadays a bunch of songs and other stuff I'd have never thought of learning him. I'm surprised. Because, although I really needed help with the everyday life, I somehow felt guilty. I still notice I'm quite keen on defending my decision if someone's asking about it.

I notice also that I'm talking about my decisions like this wouldn't have anything with Husband to do. Well, he has let me understand that he wants to have the kids at home. So that I take care of them, not him of course. Between the lines he lets me know that I'm not doing my job if I can't manage to take care of the kids and our home by myself.

No matter what, I've decided that I hereby don't give a rats ass about what Husband thinks I should or shouldn't do about the kids' daycare. I think Husband doesn't even try to understand my point of view and my situation. That's why I applied yesterday for full-time daycare for both Son and Daughter.

Let's see how this works out. At the end I just want to remain sane. And I might again have soon a baby to take care of. By myself.

Monday, February 11, 2013

The pregnancy glow

It really is there
I mentioned on the Facebook page that I forgot that I'm pregnant. That's the first time it's happened to me during my pregnancies. My first thought was "oh you little thing, I'm not forgetting you although you're already number three". The next thought was that I'm thinking it's a boy. Don't ask why, I've never had a sixth sense about that. It wasn't until Daughter was actually born that we knew we had a baby girl coming.

I'll probably have soon an educated guess about whether it's a boy or a girl. Because: when I was expecting Daughter, after one or two weeks from where I am now in the pregnancy (6 weeks) I got so nauseaus I couldn't get out of bed in the mornings. That lasted for a month. I didn't suffer anything like that when I was expecting Son.

I've never been the glowing expecting mom who's having the time of her life during pregnancy. I've been sick all the time suffering from all the imaginable conditions a pregnant woman can have plus I have gained a huge amount of weight both times. So that's probably what I can reasonably expect this time as well.

If I've mentioned my terrible feelings to Mother she has instantly replied gladly how she didn't suffer from anything at all and was in the best imaginable condition while being pregnant. So that's it about any motherly support. Fortunately Best Friend has been equally sick and unhappy when pregnant so she knows what I'm talking about. When she heard that I was pregnant the first thing she said was "you rabbits!", the second was "well you'll be sick then for the next 9 months, congrats". I just love her.

So ask me again in one month. I guess I don't keep forgetting anymore that I'm pregnant. If not the nausea, headache, sore breasts, contractions from week 20, general ache in every muscle, stomach acids jumping into my throat, swollen limbs and a kickboxing baby won't do the trick I'm sure the weight gain will.

P.S. Guess what Husband wanted to find out the most when we had this picture taken the other day? He wanted to be sure that there is only one baby in there. Why? He doesn't want to change the car.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Handy Housewife has a traditional profession

Grandpa and the bread in the 70's
I used to work in a supermarket as a teenager, my job was to bake ready-made, frozen breads, pies and pastries. What I did was put them in the oven from the gigantic freezer and then slip them in small bags for the customers. So not a baker job indeed but it gave me some pocket money. The funny thing was that my grandpa used to have a real bakery nearby sometime in the 60s and 70s. He was a proper oldschool baker who got up 3 AM and baked rye bread day in day out. Naturally my Father had a blast when I started my "baker" job and joked about it constantly.

Quite soon after I'd started working in the supermarket I got old ladies and gents coming to me carefully studying my name tag. After a while they would start talking: "You know what, girl? Long ago, before you were born, there was a bakery near here that was owned by a man with a same name you have. The bakery also carried his name." When I gladly admitted that it had been my grandpa's bakery the old folks were visibly touched: "Oh my, it's fantastic that your fine, traditional professional goes in the family! Good luck to you!" I had the same conversation several times with different seniors. I never had heart to tell them what my job was really about.

Father had a blast though when he heard how much my skills were appreciated among the clientele.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Stuff I don't do

Photo: appletreelandscaping.biz
I've been whining a lot about how much I have to do around the house. And it's true: everything related to meal planning, cooking, cleaning, laundry or the dishes falls on my plate and it takes all of my time. Most of the stuff is also such that I can't really leave it undone either. When Husband goes to bed in the evening I normally stay up and do laundry. And sure, I should be more relaxed about housework. It's just that I hate living in a messy home - something that Husband is able to ignore completely. (You should have seen his apartment when he took me there first time when we started dating; but that's another story.) And for us it's a bit tricky to rely on ready meals. So the housework is done by the one who's bothered about it the most - me.

To my great joy I've found a small worm hole to ease my burdain. Because there is some housework Husband can't ignore. Hooray! Especially now that we moved into a villa there are things he actually cares about. And once I've noticed which things Husband can't leave undone I won't most certainly make even the smallest effort to do them myself. Exactly like Husband's acting with the abovementioned work.

So this is what I don't even consider doing around the house:

- Moving the lawn. May it become a jungle, I don't care.
- Ploughing snow. Spring will take care of that in June at the latest.
- Cutting the kids' hair. Husband bought a machine for it, I pretend I don't know how to use it.
- Changing batteries to kids' toys. I've managed to profile Husband as the "battery expert".
- Anything that has something to do with electronic devices or any technical stuff around the house. Husband is an engineer so He Knows Best.
- Barbeque. Also very technical, the only reason why Husband will do anything cooking-related.

I'm totally happy when Husband takes responsibility over something and it wouldn't even cross my mind to interfere with his doings. Some of his tasks aren't really mandatory though. ("I have work to do - I must program a system so that we can put the sauna on with an SMS.") Sure enough, many of these things are such that it would be impossible for me to do them while the kids are around - which they always are. They are both so small that they need to be supervised all the time, especially Daughter. Our house is also by a heavily trafficked road so our yard is not safe for the kids to play.

Every time I notice that Husband is doing something voluntarily around the house I get high hopes: maybe he's realized that I can't do everything by myself. I don't know if that's true but at least there's been improvement. I don't need to nag anymore about doing the groceries. We don't discuss anymore about whether the house needs to be cleaned or not.

What's the struggle about housework like in your family? Or is there one?

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

We all are still young

Photo: thegospelcoalition.org
My uncle has died. We weren't any close, he wasn't exactly a young lad anymore and with his drinking habits it's a wonder that he lived this long. So I'm not devastated in any way. What worries me though is that I have to take Son to another funeral now. We've had unfortunately many funerals lately, and Son seems to be bothered about them.

Son has become lately somehow really sensitive. He asks a billion concerned questions, he's generally worried about everything and everyone and expects something bad to happen at once if anything goes wrong. I don't really know if it's his personality, if the funeral boom has something to do with it or do three-year olds generally go through a phase of astronomical worrying? Do you know?

Son's first experience about death was last summer when my parents' old dog died. Son was very fond of the old pal and we discussed a lot about what it means that he died. After some time Son seemed to somehow understand what had happened and accepted it. Unfortunately right after that the funerals started coming and we needed to discuss the same thing all over again many times. Despite of a lot of talking and reading a related children's book I somehow sense that the repeated losses left a feeling of uncertainty in Son.

Once we were having lunch with the kids when Son asked if Daughter is going to die sometime. Oh my. How to answer, what to say? I wouldn't want to upset him more than necessary but neither do I want to lie (I still have way too bad conscious about the Father Christmas thing). As a member of no church I told Son that all people and animals do die some time when they become very old. But, I then added, there's no need to worry about that because we all are still young. Very young.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Oh schmuck!

Photo: americaexplained.wordpress.com
I'm absolutely no lady when it comes to language. I swear a lot. Usually I blame an old friend of mine of this habit - she taught me to drink tequila as well. But I'm of course trying to be a responsible adult and swallow the ugly words when the kids are present. Not least because I don't ever want to hear that Son has taught the entire daycare group to say shit and fuck.

If I get really angry an occasional fuck may find its way out. Same thing goes for Husband (he just gets angry a lot). It's just that I haven't quite found a good vocabulary yet to express my true self in front of the kids. Fake sweardoms (the "oh schoot"'s and similar) haven't worked for me ever. They just don't do the job. A good old "AAAARGH" is quite functional, that one I use a lot. Ok, I once went to Facebook and aired my head to an ugly status update but I'm not proud of that one either.

So what to do? I think it would be good to express oneself somehow in front of the kids so they would get a decent model as well of what to do when one gets pissed off. Anyone?

If nothing else I want a device that pixels my mouth and beeps all the inappropriate stuff.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Apartmentwife

They're ugly as hell but so comfortable. Photo: en.wikipedia.org

When I grew up with my parents we lived in a villa. I never liked the work that needed to be done outside the house so I happily moved into an apartment when I got my first job. And I loved it: in winter I didn't have to care about ploughing snow or sanding the pavement, in summer I didn't have to move the lawn or care about gardening otherwise either. Gardening means epilation and waxing to me anyways, not growing flowers or veggies. And living in the city center was a dream come true to me: everything was near within walking distance and the public transport took me where else I ever wanted.

So when Husband started insisting that he wanted to move in a villa I was really sceptical. Not least because he wanted to move to the countryside but mainly because he was never at home and I had too much to do already. But he kept insisting and telling me how it's "better for the kids to live in a proper house". Husband's idea was to move to a city where we knew absolutely no-one. His drive to work would have been shorter from there. That's about where the benefits ended. After a huge amount of fighting I managed to negotiate a deal that we would move in a villa but stay in the same city and live near my parents. So we moved to the suburb, to a "proper house".

Husband seems happy here although he'd prefer living in the countryside. I'm bored to death and would like to move back to the city center - but I guess I'll adapt. And this new form of living has activated Husband a bit at home. More about that a bit later!

Friday, February 1, 2013

Let's go to Facebook

Photo: wordstream.com
I did something I've been considering for a while already: I put up a page in Facebook for this blog. Not so much because I'd want to share my posts in there but because quite often stuff comes up in my mind that I'd like to share but I don't think it's worth a blog post. You know: something that the kids say or do, something I say or do, something that Husband says or does.

So join me on Facebook as well and like Bree Bronson's Babies page! From now on I'll share some stuff in there as well regularly, most often something else than what I've published here.

First up is Son's view about appropriate free time  activities for three-year olds.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

All by myself

Photo: youthvoices.net
Daughter has come to an age when she wants to do everything by herself. Eating, putting her clothes on, climbing to her cot and brushing her teeth among other tasks take ages nowadays. She's constantly acting beyond her skills which I actually greatly admire. My thoughts started wondering and I ended up thinking why our society values such individualism that it does. Because in Finland you have to be able to do everything by yourself, otherwise you're considered to be weak. The individualistic thinking of today hits especially hard families with small children. Because taking care of small kids all by yourself is bloody tough.

I know what I'm talking about here. I needed to break down before I got any help with the kids. After Son and Daughter were born Husband was around during his paternity leave, three weeks. After that he vanished back to work and continued his life relatively the same that it used to be before the baby was born. I could never expect him to come home before 8 PM. So I was left home with a newborn baby and all housework and cooking. After Daughter was born I naturally also had a toddler to look after. The first time, when Son was born, I somehow managed although I was extremely tired and regretted having a baby in the first place. The second time I could do it for about three months before I collapsed.

When I had no power left to manage through the days by myself I started crying. Spontaneously, anywhere, without a specific reason. Most often alone or with the kids though. I stayed up during the night with Daughter and got up in the morning with Son. At last I was too tired to get out of bed in the morning. I yelled at Son and just hated my life in general. I told Husband how tired I was. He immediately responded with telling how extremely tired he was because of work. I stopped telling him because he obviously had it tougher than me. I told Mother but she was too busy with watching TV and surfing with her computer to really care. At last I broke down in front of Husband and the kids when we were supposed to leave on a trip. That woke Husband up. But instead of supporting or trying to help he started to blame me and considered himself as a victim. Still today I'm unable to understand his logic and if we will divorce one of these days this will be a major reason. For me it's really hard to accept that Husband gave me zero sympathy when I was having the toughest time of my life.

At the end it was both my and Husband's parents who saved us. They took care of Son so that I was able to concentrate on Daughter who was just a couple of months old. Husband continued blaming me and told me repeatedly how Son will suffer from this arrangement. I still disagree with him.

An Australian-Thai couple, friends of ours living in Australia, had a baby. When the baby was born, several relatives flew from Thailand to help the new family for a couple of months. When I heard about it I couldn't help thinking that we would have needed support just like that. But that's out of question in Finland. Here families are supposed to make it by themselves. It's considered inappropriate to put one's nose in anyone else's lives. In my opinion that's simply wrong. This culture of endless individualism will destroy families more than cancer.

For a new family there's nothing more important than practical help from friends and family. I was too proud or weak to cry loud enough to get help when I needed it. You others - don't make the same mistake. I won't do it this time either.